#selfproclamations #selfidentity #awareness #bodyimage #transformations
What a MAJOR year it has been, even though we are still just 9 months in.
So many things have fallen apart and new things have entered my life that feel truly meant for me. I have found a calling that I am passionate about and enjoy waking up to do every day.
I have been working on my mental health since February, after seeing a trauma specialist and realizing I do have PTSD + major anxiety and needed desperately to start facing it.
Hitting rock bottom emotionally, struggling with stay at home mom life to 2 toddlers and a preteen with asd in school, as well as major strain in my marriage over finances and communication problems all wrecked me the first 5 months of 2019. And I was not sure how I would get back up from it all.
It is now September and it feels like I am on my way to living my best life.
So many shifts and losses earlier on now have made me stronger. From losing a 20 year friendship to getting painful closure with my mentally ill parents. Confronting old relationships and past abusers, to getting answers about someone close to me that verified they would not be in my life for a long time. Maybe ever again. I have had to face these heart aches and just keep pushing forward.
Feeling my plans and "brilliant" ideas crash and burn hurt me so badly in the last 3 years when I was working side by side with my husband in our family business and we busted our asses but saw little results.
Now it has all come full circle.
THOSE RELEASES WERE NECESSARY.
And I had to trust my gut, even when my heart was breaking.
I had to just brace myself for the turbulence and let the ride take me to an unknown destination.
Now here I am.
I am finally losing weight from having 2 kids back to back and too much sugar intake.
I have just been active + cutting down majorly on sugar and eating more protein + veggies. I have a long way to go with toning and gaining muscle + strength in my body but I am finally feeling confident ♡
I also stopped weighing myself after 2 months of starting to get healthy [diet and going outside for walks/playing with kids]. The scale gave me so much anxiety week after week and I was so fixated on achieving a number. I had 40 lbs set to lose [I was almost 50 lbs overweight] and that just felt impossible.
I have had no money to invest in any health or diet plans, as we barely cover our bills and groceries while paying off debt + working hard to level up our lifestyle.
My husband has been working his ass off and I have been blessed to work from home, assisting him and also establishing my blog. I raise our babies and spend all my time with them.
This is our life right now until we can save up and move out to our own place [we stay with his family]. Then our little family of 5 will finally have our own home and property to enjoy. We lost everything we had built up for 4 years and essentially started from scratch in January. And it made us both terrified/ miserable to have to face the losses. But we did it!
Now we have both lost weight + gotten healthier. He has been away a lot for work while I'm home with the kids but it has worked out for the better. As we found new opportunities to grow our Income and gain more freedom. It also gave us clarity in our life plan, now making us excited for what comes next.
I feel like a NEW me and yet I have never been more at home with myself.
Every day I am thankful now for the beautiful mess I have, the little moments with my kids, the opportunities and ideas I have which are NOW aligned with my passions.
Every day I remember that I have 2 choices.
Give up or keep going.
And I am not ready to wave my white flag. There is still a whole lot of fight in me left. ♡
Here's to 4 more months and KICKING ASS as I take each one on.
J.S. Jaded Savior
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
EMPOWERING MINDS SINCE 2019