#boundaries #friendship #toxic #trauma #growth #healing

So there was this woman I was following and friend requested about 2 yrs ago. Back then, she was someone i really admired and looked up to. A powerhouse who was crunchy, a mompreneur, an influencer and advocate for things I found meaningful, as well as someone who overcame trauma.

Back then I knew NO ONE AT ALL who was posting publicly about their trauma or mental health issues. So I felt very alone and abnormal. She was a breathe of fresh air.

This spring, I decided to weed my feed and change my own life. I started publicly writing about my problems and past and I cut a lot of people out of my life.

I also added TONS OF NEW PEOPLE. I found my tribe!!!! Mental health advocates, Coaches in the Healing field, natural healers and spiritual people. All authentic, open, and LOVING.

At first it felt like a trick. Like a gimmick. How could people be so openly loving and raw...like I am... I was always the FREAK for being so emotional. Told facebook is not a diary. Told "we all grew up with problems."
But a veil was lifted and I finally started to SEE what was actually happening.

I was leaving behind years of trauma.

I was stepping into the light.

I've added over 1800 people since MAY. On purpose. Intuitively picked. And followed up with. I have easily had hundreds of conversations with a lot of you. Messages, voice clips, videos, phone calls etc.

And yes. I did remove some along the way that I didnt click with or realized wasnt my tribe. And not on bad terms.

I just learned how to CHOOSE MY CIRCLE.

I did something recently that I never thought I would do.

I deleted that woman as a friend.

The one I used to want to be.

The one I admired for over 2 years.

Because I started examining her posts from a different point of view.

As I have started to heal + grow + blossom, I have developed a super power.

I now see past illusions.

I used to think differently about my friends. My boyfriends. My family.

I used to see it as "I have to keep them. "

Now I know I don't have to do a DAMN thing that does not serve me.

And I also started to SEE CLEARLY how much toxicity was around me.

HOLY SHIT.

This woman, who can do whatever she wants of course, was making anti-abortion posts and racial references. She was pushing religion in an unopened minded way about other peoples beliefs and often very aggressive in her response towards them to defend HER OWN beliefs only. She was posting images that mock womens bodies.

Now either she lost her path or she was always this way and I did not notice.

Because "role model" for me meant better than the rest.

Which reminds me of how my ex, the man I dated for a few years while I was a single mom but no longer even count as having had something important..... he was toxic and abusive as shit.

But he was "so much better than the rest".

I was living in a dillusion, thinking I was lucky he gave me TONS of space to be independent.

That he was supporting who I was by taking a step back, never arguing, letting me do my thing.

But...

He never showed up for me. Never really had any opinions [which is why I thought he just agreed or liked mine] and he was so detached from me that he would ghost me a lot.

He took all my secret fears and made a blue print from them on how to destroy me.

I realized that when we think someone or something is great, we should be examining ourselves.

What phase are we at and how healthy are we? Really....

What are OUR boundaries and what do we DO when people cross them?

What do we DO when things don't feel right?

And do we just ADMIRE people blindly?

I never even once had a conversation with this woman. I knew nothing about where her heart actually was at.
So the other day when a post of hers AGAIN showed up on my feed and was really offensive, I decided to scroll her profile.

I realized that ,for me, it was absolutely not someone who could be in my circle.

And I actually felt turned off. Annoyed.

Like...how the hell did I even think what I had when I did?!

Perceptions change when you get healthy.

And who KNOWS what her deal or thoughts are. I don't care to find out.

I am no longer willing to fit a square peg in a round hole.

READ THAT AGAIN.

I am NO LONGER WILLING TO GET FREE SIGNUPS.

My time + energy + vibe is only maintained with constant showers of light and love.

And it is on them, whoever falls below that capability.

I spent my childhood and adolescence not understanding that my parents were literally mentally incapable.
I spent my early 20s trying to understand bad friends and shitty exs.

I had the Savior complex.

Now I know I was only responsible for changing and helping myself.

And I am never going to compromise myself for anyone else ever again. ♡

MY CIRCLE consists of people who just show up on their own. They do the right things----> meaning healthy choices. They have bad days like the rest of us and they are just authentic about it. About their journey.
You are my people if all of you are here just FIGHTING to be better daily. ♡

And I am no longer going to apologize for weeding out my circle and making sure my garden is healthy.

​J.S. Jaded Savior