Who says you can't feel that way?
Who says you can't have those things?
Who says you are not enough?
Who says you will never get there?
Take a look. A HARD TRUTHFUL LOOK.
Look at those people.
What do they have? What do they feel? Who are they within their own lives?
A person who says never, no, not gonna happen is just a person who does not believe in themselves.
When someone does not believe in them-self, the entire world and all things moving seem impossible, doomed, and immobile.
When they project those feelings on to you, it might make you feel so hurt.
So fucking angry.
You might hate them for it.
You might also believe them.
I will never do it.
I will never achieve x, y, z.
Do what your immediate gut feeling does not say. Reject what you were taught. Reject your instinct to be angry and hurt.
Instead, find love.
Find it within your soul.
Close your eyes, travel deep within yourself, through all your veins and up into your mind. Tell yourself, "love."
When someone else flings poop at you for your ideas or your efforts, remember love.
You deserve love.
You will achieve ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR SIGHT ON, but it will require love.
And those judgemental no, not, never's ... those people who find a fault, flaw, or foundational error in everything.
They need love most.
Because they are stuck in the no and the never. So they are miserable.
LISTEN TO ME NOW. AND TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
In fact, tattoo this to your freaking hand if need be.
"Love moves mountains."
It may not be your responsibility to show love to someone hateful or doubtful.
Maybe it is not. Maybe you cannot literally change them in this moment. Maybe they are not even ready.
Maybe all you can do when they say no, never is say "I trust myself. I know I will." Or "I will find a way."
One time I asked a bully what was wrong. I literally asked them mid insult toward me what was wrong. And they actually started to cry. It was in high school in the girls bathroom. She cried and she told me what was wrong.
She never said a word to me again after that day. But she felt heard.
"It is not your personal job to fix people". We hear this all the time. And maybe for some people, it IS TOO GREAT of a task.
But I take the gamble.
Do not rely on the words and intentions of someone who is hurting or unhealthy.
And do not make their life even worse by humoring their bad opinions, or even worse stopping your own life because of them.
Instead, choose love in your own intentions, words and expression.
So that you never become someone else's "no, never".
So you inspire those around you to follow suit.
"She was brave, strong, and broken all at once"
"I cannot have people know what I have gone through, or they will never think I am normal."
"I cannot stomach the idea of reliving my bad experience through words, especially if everyone I KNOW is going to see it."
"There is no point in sharing bad, sad, or terrible things. It will only bring people down and give my feed bad vibes."
I can think of 40 million reasons why it is important to share our stories and vent our feelings, especially on social media.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year.
Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment.
People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.
Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.
DID YOU KNOW that sharing your story helps others to:
-VALIDATE THEIR EXPERIENCES
-FEEL A SENSE OF BELONGING
-GET THE RESOURCES THEY NEED
-FEEL MORE ENCOURAGEMENT TO GET HELP
-BREAK STIGMAS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH
-FORM BETTER CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS
-BEGIN THEIR OWN HEALING JOURNEY.
Have you ever read something that resonates so deeply with you and makes you feel compelled to do something?
For me, writing unlocks the secrets of the soul and shows everyone else the heart. The "truths" beneath the surface. The chaos of real life, for real people. Writing breaks down, analyzes, and offers solutions to problems. Writing helps you heal and grow.
You do not have to be an amazing writer or story teller to share your story.
IN FACT, NO ONE TELLS YOUR STORY BETTER THAN YOU.
Something we do here every day on social media is share, like and appreciate posts, ads, photos, videos and lives. We are supposed to come to thia virtual reality for entertainment, pleasure, networking and shopping.
I decided a long time ago that not hiding who I am and where I come from would be an essential part of my success and wellbeing.
I knew it would be scary, intimidating, and at times make me the unpopular girl in the room.
When you share things on social media, it's as good as branding labels to your forehead for life. It gets shared and found everywhere. My daughter has googled me in school and found my involvement in projects or social accounts under my name. My footprint has already been set in motion for a long time.
I was once fearful of labels like: [POOR, MENTALLY ILL, FREAK, ABNORMAL, LOSER, SLUT, ORPHAN, BITCH, TRASH, CRAZY, BAD MOTHER, BAD DAUGHTER, DISGUSTING]
I did not have an elevator speech prepared for the countless adults and peers I would meet at school, work, or just while socializing. But as questions would arise about my life, my life story would unfold regardless.
I'll give you an example from my early college years. P=peer :
P1: What classes are you taking this semester? (Common question between everyone)
Me: I am taking "x,y,z" and beginners "xyz", what about you?
P1: Cool, I'm taking "xyz" and I work at "blahblah" on campus after 4pm. Do you work part time too? The union building has afternoon open positions right now.
Me: oh that's cool. Yeah thanks so much but I have to get my daughter off the bus around that time, then take her to my evening class or to work on even days until 8pm.
P1: oh you have a kid, you are so young?! How old is she?
Me: yeah, I was 16 when I had her. She is 5 now. I take my 6 classes and work part time around her school schedule. So....what do you do for fun?
P1: WOW THATS CRAZY. I cannot even imagine. I don't even live put of my moms house yet. Why don't you just have your parents take her? Or the father, there is a father right?
Me: yeah.. I dont have parents.. I am on my own. We dont have anyone else. But it's fine. We are fine.
P1: So like did your parents die?
Me: no...well. no... they. Well they are divorced, and both are addicts...and well sick. I am emancipated and I do not see them, since I was 16 actually.
P1: ...... woah... damn. Well uh,....good for you. You are really brave.
I had so many conversations with teachers and professionals in the fields' I was passionate about as a potential career about "myself" and "my intentions" with my future. Although my biggest fear was to be judged in the beginning, I also feared being praised.
I rejected (in my mind) all forms of praise and recognition of any hard work + bravery + strength because I thought it was normal and healthy to feel ashamed of my life.
I was never once ashamed of becoming a teen mom, nor was i scared of motherhood. I loved it and still do. It's the job i know i was born to succeed in.
But the rest of it, those ugly truths, were my scars and my battle wounds that I was heavily ashamed of and even thought I'd earned.
Now that I am older, I have rationalized these feelings and am working on a healthy mindset. This personal growth would have NEVER HAPPENED if I never shared my stories, wrote about them or analyzed them for so many years.
If I had told every single person who tried to talk to me that I was just a normal student and had nothing going on in my life otherwise, I would have been stuck in that mindset for years. Maybe forever.
I realize now that it is fucking brave, strong, amazing to survive trauma. To overcome obstacles in your path ----> no matter how big or small the obstacles are.
I realize now that so many people became my friend after hearing WHO I was and WHAT I overcame. They felt comfortable when I showed up as my authentic self.
A few people did not. A few people had something bad to say. Or were ignorant. And that is ok. Those times helped me have extra confidence in who I am as a person. I realized I would never ever treat anyone the way they treated me. And I am thankful for those lessons.
What I learned and I have lived through is a lot. But it's no better or worse than anyone else's struggles. It is not even unique. You know how i learned that? Not from Google. Not from American sitcoms.
I was approached by several people over the years who wanted to tell ME they were going through a hard time, that they had an addiction, that someone they loved had an addiction, that they thought they were pregnant, that they wanted to breakup with an abuser, that they had a toxic home life.
People naturally came to me, to share these deep and personal problems because I had already shared mine. So much I was known for it. And even strangers confided in me.
That makes my heart so happy. So fulfilled.
I now take on new labels, and I am open to even more.
BRAVE. RESILIENT. LOVING. RESOURCEFUL. COMPASSIONATE. STRONG. COMMITTED.
It feels good, and I am sure of it, to share my heart and soul every day. To not spend my life hiding in the shadows of other peoples' stories. Because I share who I am constantly, I have gained opportunities and the things I want most in life:
■my first job in college
■my college acceptance letters BA / MA
■my husband (and our friendship)
■passion + creativity
All if these great things in my past and present have been attracted into my life because of who I truly am, even if I am a little broken.
Now I plan on using my knowledge and experience to create a tribe, a platform for people to share their stories, and publish books.
I want to encourage more people to trade their labels in.
SCARED ---> BRAVE
What do hard experiences do to us?
They teach us. They refine us. Sometimes they break us. I hope I can inspire others here to join me in story telling, authenticity and healing. ♡
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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