As a Jaded Savior, I found myself in a loop of misery. I was surrounded by Toxic family, abusive love partners, "Negative Nancy's" and friends who used all their time to complain about their bad lives.
I wanted so badly to help them, to be the ear or shoulder, to encourage them to make changes. But I was constantly disappointed by the lack of initiative or change in their lives. I was in turn constantly disappointed by my own.
I thought I had it all together. I was getting an education. I was independent. I was paying my bills. I was trying my best to build relationships and make connections. But I was still unhappy.
No. Depressed. Deeply.
So when the people around me constantly asked how I could be so happy in spite of the SHIT life has to offer, in spite of the economy, in spite of the pain in the world, in spite of the weather, in spite of the inevitable ceiling everyone seems to hit ---> I realized every single example they gave was NEGATIVE.
Everything they thought about was negative. The world, in essence, was lackluster and the "truth" was that nothing good ever happens.
I never once believed that. I went out and I applied myself.
I told my truths. I told my stories.
I created and I expressed what I felt from the heart.
I chose "happy" and what was giving me depression were the people in my life. The ones who would rain on my parade.
Let's just do some math real quick!
In basic math, if both signs are positive, the answer will be positive. If both signs are negative, the answer will be negative.
Shit attitude + shit perception of reality = Nothing good
Positive atmosphere + Positive perspective = Thriving AF
So what do I do now? It is quite simple. I adjusted the math.
My Lifestyle holds no room for:
💣 Willful Ignorance
I have no apologies and no "wiggle" room for these because of who I am trying to become. So anyone who is still struggling with these unhealthy things, and is unwilling to work towards being healthy is not the kind of person I am willing to be around. That could be in person, on social media, or in my head space.
I am no longer willing to be a participant in someone else's' negative decisions. This does not make me a better person than someone who is "stuck" in their unhealthy ways. This is not a comparison. What I am doing is creating my own safe + healthy space to grow.
Do you have the power to be this strict with yourself?
Can you say NO, and I mean a HARD NO, to the negativity in your life?
Can you walk away from a TOXIC family member or your own SPOUSE?
But this is not about them. This is about YOU.
"Focus on being YOUR BEST SELF" is the common message we hear.
Who here is able to be their best self when being fertilized by SHIT?
Maybe you are a STRONG, FIERCE, RESILIENT BEING that can RISE from shit.
But your growth will hit a plateau if you do not disconnect from ANY bad in your life.
STOP supporting the common message that "problems make you stronger" and allow that to let abused people (including yourself) stay stagnant in growth by not walking away from what hurts them.
Do not allow anyone to jeopardize your GREATEST POTENTIAL by guilting you into humoring, tolerating, or suffering TOXIC, ABUSIVE, UNHEALTHY treatment/environments.
So let's recap for the people in the back.
YOU want growth. You want happiness. You want to be your best self. Great!
Now GET OUT THERE and create your own space.
Your own Haven of tranquility, peace, and happiness.
Because there is no such thing as needing a balance between good and bad. There is no such thing as having to put up with BAD in order to make you GOOD.
You can be HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL, WHOLE without being the SAVIOR. Without being the fixer-upper of the shit around you.
This idea of balance is only a way for abusers to manipulate you into never actually reaching your full potential. Into staying with them. Because they feed off of you. And all that happens is you end up sucked dry, thinking it is all your fault. Or thinking that YOU deserve your lack of success.
WATCH what happens to your life once you CUT OUT the bad. Once you say NO. Once you block, delete, cut off the SHIT and the Negativity.
Pure joy. 100% organic healthy happiness, with no fillers and no BULLSHIT.
The math does not lie.
Now go on with your healthy self, and LIVE. Let it stick this time.
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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