Why are you waiting to leave?
When the person closest to you is hurting you, making you miserable or unfulfilling their promises for you----> the answer is CLEAR.
There is a HUGE difference between working out a healthy relationship and stewing in toxicity.
And for every excuse you make when they hurt you, for every time you stay the next day like it never happened, or for the times you call back first just to bring peace to the table ---> you are further enabling abuse and trauma into your own life.
That can be hard to hear.
When you have a cheating partner.
An abusive partner.
A spouse that emotionally abuses you with negative and judgemental statements all the time.
A close sibling or family member who obsessively judges and pries, but never offers anything healthy to say.
A best friend who only sees the negativity, the bullshit, and is only showing up to bitch about how hard their life is.
It is all toxic.
And we just need to be brave.
Brave and sure of ourselves.
I love myself. I truly do, inside and out. Even though I am human and I am not perfect, I embrace who I am.
But in the past, I have let other people into my head and my heart who claimed otherwise.
Claimed that I was stupid, I was ugly, I was a slut, I was a prude, I was a waste of space.
I was emotionally abused and told how worthless I was by my own mother. And my own father would tell me I was a horrible daughter because I did not cater to him.
The worst time for me, was when he said I was a "cunt just like my mother". I will never forget it.
I have been in complete, head over heels love with abusers.
My first love would meet up with other girls and mess around, then come back to me and kiss me right on the lips and tell me in my eyes that I was the only girl for him.
That same guy told me to kill myself and kill "my baby", once I became pregnant and he essentially had no use for me.
I have had friends be condescending, passive aggressive, or straight up disrespectful. I have had friends tell me not to speak out against my abusive partner, because they did not want to see the guy get hurt [say what?!] and that I probably just brought it out of him.
When I was younger, through gradeschool and college, no one talked about this shit ever.
No one pointed out abuse or toxic relationships. It just was part of dating". I knew no one in a healthy relationship. I did not know one man who was not emotionally or physically cheating, even guy friends. So I cut them all off.
It took time to SEE who around me was a GOOD person. And every time I met a shitty person, to stand up to them.
It takes work to stand up against abusive people.
But a lot of the time it is not even necessary.
To leave an abusive situation, you do not need to:
■ Have an exit speech
■ Prepare an explanation
■ Pay them off or owe them
■ Act extra kind or caring
■ Trick them into admitting anything
■ Explain to anyone else why you leave
■ Swear off all other forms of relationships
All you really need to do when you have unhealthy people and situations in your life is LEAVE.
Do yourself that favor and stop sitting wondering what will happen, who will talk, how people will feel or how your God damned abuser will react.
Be smart. Be careful. But fucking run.
And then, go grow you beautiful soul.
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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