I wrote all week about being triggered by money because of growing up in poverty and always "struggling" to survive.
I notice now how openly people market their business on social media and brand but do VERY LITTLE collaborating and are often CLOSED OFF to making friends on here.
We tend to think that "making friends" does not make money.
We also tend to pluck out friends on our list who do not join the groups or buy into the offers we are selling.
I sit here on my phone wanting to scream and just say the things in my head.
Then I remember ----> Oh yeah, i am a blogger and write publicly. I can fucking say something.
So here it is. Sales and corporate structures teach us to never trust a friend farther than you can throw them.
To just spend our time alone in our bubble building the perfect pitch.
To "get inside the minds of the consumer" to know their needs and serve it to them on a platter .... coincidently. And without making any quick movements. Without too many words. Pitch. Sell. Market. Dangle. Offer. Zoom.
Well. I know a different vocabulary. Because I was poor and am still very lower class, I have built different skills that we learn on the streets. And it's these words.
Greet. Befriend. Open up. Allow. Invite in. And keep. Keep them. Smile. Say hi. Make a conversation. Then another one. Say deep things, share war stories. And then, just exist in their space.
No one is stupid. We learn what each other does. We know what each others talents and jobs are.
On social media, they are listed.
That "market your ass off" approach is so silly to me. All it is, the game you play, is survival of the fittest.
Now of course the models for business are changing. This year alone, the approach of just exist and talk about who you are + what you do is picking up. But we should be responsible now for picking up the momentum.
Just be. Do. Create. And share. Share your project of the day. Share that thing you love to do.
Hell. Pick a thing you love to do. Surrender to the unknown. Which is also bullshit.
We have ALL BEEN LIED TO.
Those of us here who are poor may know better already..... that the fears and insecurities have to do with being able to care for ourselves. When you are poor and can barely feed yourself, you not only FEEL the stress of needing money.... you also feel the stress of needing love. Simplicity. Comrodery. Collaborations. You realize here in the poverty hole that we may feel stuck in here, but everyone above ground...they are the prisoners.
The truth is...we ALL HAVE BILLS.
We all need to make money or else we become poor. And not just poor, but "lacking".
But your fears of being "lacking" cost you friendships .. How many of you have cut off or ghosted a friend because they don't buy from you? [And this is not to use you as some bad example because you are human]
How many of you are triggered often as you grow your business or feel a blow to your self esteem when your marketing approaches do not work.. or are just SLOW?
The thing is... our priority should be getting educated and building relationships.
I do not mean college. I mean any form of knowledge.
Go to the library or local book stores. Step into nature. Go watch people. Go to events.
Shake hands, look people in the eyes, greet people......make friends and do not sell to them. If they ask what you do, introduce it as something YOU love. Not something THEY want. They HEAR YOU.
If they want it, they will literally go for it.
Next thing ----> some of us are poor. I am poor right now. I cannot afford much. We are stuck temporarily where we are at [my little family of 5] until we can make the money to move. And we fucking hated it all summer. Going no where, doing nothing, feeling inadequate as our business failed and we had to leap into other opportunities. But I decided to do a big thing and start existing.
I write and I run my website because it is my passion. I am finally leaping into my passion and purpose. But now with different perspectives. I CANNOT INVEST in anything right now.
I cannot join a team or buy a mascara or order home decor. I sell things I own for the money to replace my clothing. A coffee once or twice a month is a guilt trip but I do it for myself to just get out and feel treated. $2 feels like a treat. Let that sink in.
I'm frugal AF. My pockets are hollow and my bank account is tiny. But my heart is huge. And I know from being poor that I need to trust myself. After a million mistakes I already made.... this is what my truths are now. Friendships, bonding, putting myself out there, showing up, trying 10000% in all my projects.. That is how I have survived.
And not by begging or pleading for my worth to be met.
I now know i have knowledge and gifts to impart on the world. So I am going to present them. And make money to afford the things I need. But I do not want to focus on formulas or predictions or pitches. THIS RIGHT HERE is not a pitch. I am sincerely telling you that I show up + I bond + I share + I collaborate.
Whatever comes back my way from the universe, it will be whatever it is.
Living with PTSD and anxiety, the control freak in me knows that marketing and sales are the catalyst for my meltdowns. For the decline in my personal health. Because when I was running a local business and my focus was on money over relationships, I was heavily declining. I was losing myself. I had no bonds. Now I know that the genuine bonds I make will be based on my boundaries and truths. My truth is I have fears but I am now ready to set them aside.
To show up to the table and break bread.
Long after everything else is gone or does not matter ----> I want to know I spent my life loving people. Moving people with my words. Changing lives. Not wallets.
And if you feel triggered or offended by this, that is ok. That is your truth right now.
But I am tired of hiding my lifestyle or riding on assumptions.
I do not want to fit into your customer profile.
I do not want to be a check mark on your demographics for projected sales growth this year.
I want to be someone you WANT in your LIFE.
If we all suddenly did not need money, if the world became free, I will know I have built my circle. I am all about sharing, helping, and supporting my friends. My circle. But I am also about saying, I'm sorry but I just can't invest or do the thing. And that is no reflection on YOUR WORTH. Or anyone's. Because it's just money. It's not love.
Give yourself the chance to love someone. Something. To find passions and just exist in them.
Existing is surviving. But in the long term kind of way. The way we should all be learning and practicing, so we can all be united instead of forming lunch tables or islands between one another.
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: email@example.com
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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