Trauma is an onion.
It is the most complex, layered, tough human experience we have.
It is so potent, trauma leaves a toxic footprint throughout history and time.
Our ancestors' experience of trauma is embedded into our characteristics and hand gestures, facial features and patterns of behaviors.
Yes. An onion.
Yet we are resilient creatures.
We fight back.
We recall memories, sometimes not from our own life.
We call on powers and strength from the past to reclaim ourselves every time we answer that silent whisper coming from deep within our soul.
I used to hide my complications. The many buried layers of who I was, hidden beneath the shiny, thin layer of skin warding everyone to look away.
The trauma survivors' mantra, "I am fine" never really soothed me in my thoughts, where I circulated all the worries and memories that were begging to break free.
I got tired of being me after a while. I cannot pinpoint the date, the time, or the specific mood that shifted me into thinking, "I hate myself".
I hated work. I hated my home. I hated my responsibilities. I hated my hobbies. I hated the people around me.
I hated the eyes that knew the truth. The ones I saw in the mirror, that I avoided most days.
No one wants to bite into a raw onion.
And yet the only thing that set me free, was taking that first tough and crunchy bite into layers and layers of truth.
Once I swallowed the first mouth full, I could not stop until I was satiated.
I am still biting my way to healthy.
I chew, and I peel, and I uncover.
Rather than keep the amazing benefits of this hunger, I share it with others.
I tell people that my layers are amazing.
My layers are inspiring.
I also encourage everyone to take a moment to dive into their own reflection. Their own layers.
I invite people to commit to pulling back ALL the layers, some of their own and some of deeper creation.
There is no way to "sell" a raw onion to someone who does not know what to do with it.
So I tell them the recipe for healing and I show them the way I took the first bite.
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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