#parenthood #book #selfesteem #worth #healing #breakthecycle #motherhood #manifestation #spirituality
How many times a day do you literally manifest failure?
Today I learned an extremely powerful lesson after telling myself something positive and it then coming true within the hour.
I realized that I have been speaking to myself all wrong.
And that most of us do.
"I'm totally going to get my period on that holiday" , "I am totally going to do bad on this test", "these Jean's definitely won't fit".
"My face is definitely going to break out"
"I am definitely going to have my hair fall out".
We tell ourselves every day how clumsy, bad, lazy, tired, late, angry, dissatisfied, or disappointed we will be.
And then, we make it so.
I have told myself for so long that I will never have enough.
That I will never be lucky like other people.
That I will never attain what other people have.
That I will never make money or do something I really love. I will be stuck with less.
But none of it would have happened if I had believed in myself.
If i had told myself constantly that i can and i will.
But in my defense, because this brings me great shame, I was never taught how to be positive.
In this world, we have to be taught how to feel joy and satisfaction.
Yet we are bombarded with instant gratification from outside sources.
Food. Sex. Luxury. Cars. Homes. Goods.
We are taught that happiness is not made but bought.
We are also programmed to doubt ourselves.
To laugh at magic and inner gifts.
To point and giggle at alchemy and witchy things because they only exist in movies.
We are dismissive of spirituality as an answer to a problem we don't even know we have. And that is the problem.
We don't even know that we are programming our kids.
Hopes and joy are not even made for children.
Then who gets to feel joy?
Who is granted permission to be happy with themselves and their lifestyle?
The well off?
Who? And why never you?
Because every single day, like clockwork, you tell yourself NO.
You repeat the worst phrases and mantras ever created.
I have an idea.
Let's make a book.
Each page will contain the garbage we say to ourselves daily.
Page 1. "I can't do this"
Page 2. "That will never be me"
Page 3. "I can't see myself ever..."
Page 4. "That is meant for someone else"
Page 5. "My skin is the worst"
Page 6. "My hair is falling out"
Page 7. "My body is so fat"
Page 8. "My boss will never give me a raise"
Page 9. "My kid will never listen to me"
Page 10. "My partner will never listen"
Page 11. "I am never going to get this done"
Page 12. "I am going to fail. I know it"
Do you need more?
Are you already thinking of 5 or 10 or 100 of your own shit phrases you use daily?
What do you think would happen to someone's self esteem and self worth after reading that book?
Now give that book to your 5 year old who is learning to read.
And say, "Mommy wrote this just for you".
That is how serious this is.
That is what negativity does.
And you consume it daily.
You feed it to your own family.
Or worse, maybe your whole childhood, someone fed it to you.
And now you don't even realize it as you spew it in every direction.
I used to think manifestation was a hoax.
Oh. Duh. I was struggling because I simply did not ask the universe for help.
Then, I realized ....oh f**k. Every time I did put out a wish or desire into the universe, in sadness and desperation, I was met with disappointment and shame.
But every time I let my guard down and allowed myself to feel excitement, it happened.
Whenever I pictured myself doing something or achieving something because I wanted it so badly, it happened.
Not because of some crazy ass magic but because of my energy and tone.
My belief in myself.
Now I am realizing that those moments are not rare or lucky or fleeting.
I can make them happen.
Once a month. Weekly. Daily. Hourly.
I can speak to the universe.
I can speak happily with myself.
And when something amazing happens, I can thank myself as well as the universe.
For this beautiful collaboration.
Because it is totally a collab.
One you need to approach the right way and then maintain.
When are you going to decide to think and talk positivity?
That the P train is not a fad.
That it is a form of healing and growth.
And without it, your life is the titanic.
And you are the violinist in your own slow and cold sink into the vast see of "I'll nevers".
It is HARD to be positive, because your negativity tells you so.
For a day. And then a week. And then a month.
Take control of your own transformation.
You won't go back. I promise you that.
J.S. Jaded Savior
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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