"Peace, Love and Understanding"How do I sum up what I want out of life? Out of my writing and my passions? What I want is peace, love and understanding. "But that does not pay the bills." They say. I want to tell "they" to STFU. Truly, I do. Unapologetically. But that goes against my point, my way of being, my path. Money pays the bills. Any service or item I can provide to a client in exchange for money will pay my bills. And maybe I can make a lot of money. Maybe I can become rich. But rich does not equal abundant. I have been poor all my life. I was born into a poor marriage, with poor communication skills and poor health, a pour addiction and poor contribution to my growth. I was a poor teen mom. One with no fathers in my life and no monetary value to my name, no form of identity on hand.
I have millions worth in talent, but no one wants to have to pay what it is worth. Instead I have to fight and bite my way through the system. I'm told I can achieve anything, as long as I train for a triathlon of challenges and unforeseen circumstances, and debt that chases area codes, overdrafts and payment finances, so I can climb deeper into poverty, especially after interest. To really pay my bills, I have to endure the bad customers ---> you know, the ones who belittle and barter, but replace me at any second, like because of my tone or the weather <--- even though it causes anxiety. Because if I lived off of the kind of clients and business type that brought abundance into my life, I would always live in poverty, check to check, wondering how I could ever afford this life. Wondering if I can handle the financial sacrifice of being one of many people who just want to give the world
Peace, Love and Understanding. Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: jadedsaviorblog@gmail.com
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AuthorJean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community. Archives
December 2019
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