#peace #love #understanding #trauma #poverty

"Peace, Love and Understanding"

​How do I sum up what I want out of life? 

Out of my writing and my passions?

What I want is peace, love and understanding.

"But that does not pay the bills." They say.

I want to tell "they" to STFU.
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Truly, I do. Unapologetically.

​But that goes against my point, my way of being, my path.

Money pays the bills. Any service or item I can provide to a client in exchange for money will pay my bills. And maybe I can make a lot of money. Maybe I can become rich.

But rich does not equal abundant.

I have been poor all my life.

I was born into a poor marriage, with poor communication skills and poor health, a pour addiction and poor contribution to my growth.
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I was a poor teen mom. One with no fathers in my life and no monetary value to my name, no form of identity on hand.

I was a poor college student, with part time job responsibilities and a full time parenthood gig, both not paying nearly enough to afford us. I made too much for public assistance and did too much to be counted as a struggling mother, even though I barely made the cut.

I was a poor graduate, not being able to afford my last semester or grad school, when the loans and the income ran out. I climbed a mountain only to be cut off by a road block near the very top. No money to pay the toll. No reward for people who try but do not succeed.
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I am a poor mother now, with 3 kids at home. My husband is out working and I am always alone. But we both work hard and try to cover expenses for our family.

I have millions worth in talent, but no one wants to have to pay what it is worth.

Instead I have to fight and bite my way through the system. I'm told I can achieve anything, as long as I train for a triathlon of challenges and unforeseen circumstances, and debt that chases area codes, overdrafts and payment finances, so I can climb deeper into poverty, especially after interest.

To really pay my bills, I have to endure the bad customers ---> you know, the ones who belittle and barter, but replace me at any second, like because of my tone or the weather <--- even though it causes anxiety.

​Because if I lived off of the kind of clients and business type that brought abundance into my life, I would always live in poverty, check to check, wondering how I could ever afford this life.

​Wondering if I can handle the financial sacrifice of being one of many people who just want to give the world

Peace, Love and Understanding.