Sometimes we only see the worst parts of ourselves.
The perceived flaws.
The gaps in our teeth.
The bags under our eyes.
The funk in our voice.
The shake in our hands.
The timid, weak, fearful bullshit.
Some days I am really feeling myself. Other days I am feeling like absolute $hit.
But one fact about me is I feel it all with GRAND INTENSITY.
I am 100% UP or 100% DOWN.
And there is no spectrum of emotions for this girl. But that does not mean I'm not layered or deep.
As an empath and projector, I feel but I made quick decisions to act on either up or down emotions.
I also quite often feel OUT OF CONTROL.
I am a sponge, squeezing up all the vibes in the room or from the people I interact with.
Most often, I interact with others via internet.
And when I have a BAD interaction or sense BAD /NEGATIVE VIBES from a post or conversation ---> it instantly smacks me upside the FEELS.
Now that i have come into awareness about this, i have had to make it a habit to regulate my environment and interactions.
Who am I following? What is their "mood" or "vibe"?
I have also had to ask myself all the important questions about "mood" and "vibe"?
Can I sit with:
■ LOW ENERGY
■ NEGATIVE FEELINGS
■ ARGUEMENTATIVE PEOPLE
■ ALTERNATELY ALIGNED FOLKS
The answer is yes.
I can HANDLE differences. I can sit with :
Coming from outer sources.
But I cannot sit with:
■ CHRONIC CONVO TORCH THROWERS
■ CHRONIC JUDGEMENT JUDYS
■ INDECISIVE IZZYS
■ CRITICAL CATHYS
I have to protect my energy. Honor my flow. Respect myself and others by standing by boundaries.
It is not my job to rip someone a new one, to use anyone as a public example, or to begin a war over who is right.
All I can do is manage my emotions and perceptions every day.
There are going to be good and bad days.
Sometimes you will feel eager and powerful.
Other days you might crave a Netflix binge with your cat and a tub of icecream ----> wanting to isolate yourself from the rest of the world.
Honor both sides of yourself. Be aware of your feelings. Be gentle and kind with yourself.
And have tough love by removing the NEGATIVITY from your life as needed.
You CANNOT be friends and friendly towards EVERY SINGLE PERSON you come across.
And you sure AF do not need to keep anything or anyone around if it invades your well being.
Published by Jean Soto JS Jaded Savior blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jean Soto, mother of 3 and wife, is a writer + artist in the Hudson Valley, NY community.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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