January 2020: Dismantling toxic beliefs; Building a foundation of authenticity rooted in trust and intuition.
I've had to let go of some major lies that led to self destruction, depression, and a loss of identity.
Going against the grain and standing up for what I believed in was always a natural instinct that I actively suppressed when I felt like my surroundings were not safe.
What that really meant was I was that i was actively perpetuating the toxic environment that kept me caged, without even knowing it because of the distraction of my greatest fears being made true repeatedly.
Now I know that facing rock bottom was a necessary journey that only felt lonely because I was walking away from everything that did not serve me.
New Years felt like an event I bought VIP tickets to, after months of working hard on myself.
Wearing goggles and eagerly grinning as I looked on at the TNT being hooked up to a mountain I had built, boulder by boulder for years, that I discovered was a product of self sabotage and fear.
And as others watched the ball drop on tv with their loves ones, I stood center stage to my own destructive ways being dismantled.
One big boom and it was all gone.
All the shame, sadness, self comparisons and anxiety blasted into a million fragments of what I thought made up my life.
As I stood proud and relieved, ash fell like snowflakes around me. I smiled as the smoke rose up and lifted out of my sight, revealing a huge and empty clearing ahead.
All that mass of hard rock was built on the lies that I was not good enough to succeed. That I was limited. That relationships were what they "were", with no ability to expand or mature. That self hate was a type of characteristic some were just born with and I was a lucky recipient of the gene's that cause both loathing and love, in a battle over which power within me would win over my identity.
As it turns out, love always wins.
This year I vow to love myself entirely.
But love DOES NOT come free.
In order to love ourselves entirely and honor ourselves, we have to lose the stones that burden us with a heaviness that is unnecessary to carry.
That is right. It is unnecessary to carry hatred and fear. To carry self loathing and self sabotage.
It is too heavy to be anything less than what we envision as the full embodiment of love, honesty, and joy.
My new mantra: To keep a clear path, I must unload the burden of feeling not enough and replace it with the pursuit of joy.
I must pursue joy.
Joy is at the center of love.
So how do I become all that is love?
I replace everything that does not validate, encourage, or display joy in my life with what will.
Even though some people will say "you cannot just live in pure bliss" , "life is not all sunshine", "not every experience will be a good one".
People who dismiss joy are just looking at it from a negative lens. People just dismiss what they cannot fathom. Those who dismiss joy believe they are not worthy of receiving it.
I am no longer a willing participant in the dismissal of joy.
I embrace what makes me feel best and allow my true passions to shine by doing so.
Marketing in 2020: Being myself
Work in 2020: Doing what I love
Income strategy in 2020: Speak up about my needs [in all forms]
Networking strategy in 2020: Attract the souls who are on a pursuit of joy and alignment. Break away from those who are not there yet.
Boundaries in 2020:
●Detach from the notion that it is my job to get people from point A to point B, because I'm "an expert".
●Detach from the notion that I have "the one answer" to others problems just because I am a "survivor".
● Detach from the belief that those not [yet] pursuing joy are mine to enlighten.
●Detach from the responsibility of convincing others that my pursuit of joy is a worthy cause
If I want a clear path and an electrifying energy in all that I pursue, I must honor my own needs daily.
As someone with anxiety and depression, who is self aware of the triggers and ticks that deter me, I have an extra motivation to pursue joy.
It is going to take some daily prompting and reminders to keep myself on track, but I am excited to move forward.
I NOW KNOW the very depths of darkness my mind and emotions can take me to -----> so I do not need ANY BODY to justify why pursuing JOY is right for me.
I NOW KNOW the deepest losses and insecurities in their ugliest forms as mere gifts from the universe in paving a clear path.
I NOW KNOW the dynamite needed to blast away the thick mass of negativity and pain was really "belief in myself".
Once I came face to face with my low, love held me through the explosion.
The key principals I want to leave with you are these:
☆ It's okay to dismantle the pieces of you that no longer serve your future self.
☆ It's ok to say goodbye to everything and everyone if it means keeping your own heart intact.
☆ It's ok to set fire to bridges and make a clean break instead of preparing reasons or goodbye speeches to please everyone else.
☆ It's ok to believe in love and joy, while still knowing deeply that you are an intellectual and logical person at the same time. Those traits are not opposing or impossible to embody all at once. INTELLIGENCE IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EMOTION. RATIONALITY IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF JOY.
☆ It's ok to adopt NEW beliefs and GROW rapidly. Do not let anyone tell you that a month, week, day or hour is too short for growth ---> heck, a moment of revelation and alignment is POWERFUL AF.
☆ It is not JUST OK but MANDATORY in your pursuit of joy to work in flow and balance. To honor your needs and desires as the leading motivation for all that you do.
☆Your leading motivation in life is not to make money, get rich or get famous. It is to leave a mark in this world. And what better mark to leave than that paved in truth and love.
The road ahead feels easier to travel because I can actually see where I am going.
No more short cuts or promises of a faster route for me.
Joy is not at the end of a race or an X on any map.
It is found in all rest stops along the way. The little moments and sights to see. The ways in which we embrace the fun, inspiration, excitement, and beauty this world has to offer.
All the lies we believed about borrowed formulas and proven processes are road maps to something. But I've decided what they lead to are at best generic blue prints for what society has decreed to be "success" and "fulfillment".
Success, to me, is now just another word for "highest self".
Only I can make a list of all that person truly is -- after stripping myself of "others' expectations" to reveal the magic that is "me".
♡ J.S. Jaded Savior
Living in a dismissive society IS A HARDSHIP.
Every day people dismiss one another, damaging mindset and ability to perform not only in daily tasks but in big picture achievements.
Every day we read and hear things like "well I never saw that before, not even once", and "where I'm from, no one was that way."
Generalizations and blanket statements ARE often dismissive of truths that are carried around by individuals.
Our truths are sacred aspects of the way we perceive the word.
But it goes beyond that.
We ARE emotional, complex beings.
We ARE hardwired around emotional connections and expressive characteristics that help us survive as a species.
Being a dismissive partner, friend, sibling, parent, child, coworker, boss etc. all have detrimental effects on the way we experience life.
For instance, someone is knowingly aware and identifies as gay and another person says "back in my country, there were no gay people."
This blanket statement shows ignorance, lack of empathy or awareness depending on the tone, and lack of responsibility in the intent of the reaction.
These occurrences happen in relation to our sense of identity, faith, practices, morals, dreams and other important components that make up who we are.
It is not a mere dismissal of ones favorite color being "the best color" or favorite number being "the luckiest number".
Being dismissive tags on other harmful traits, like narrow mindedness, resentment, stubbornness, lack of emotional regulation, and aggression.
When we are not equipped on how to diffuse a dismissive person or take back control in a positive way what negativity is deterring the interaction, we perpetuate this.
I see on social media every day, sometimes hourly, the dismissal of opinions + feelings + retellings of events. Someone reveals a personal truth and others leap in with dismissive opinions that do not show value to the conversation, even value in opposition with other facts or feelings ----> but instead are thoughts like gasoline just dousing the persons' post.
The willingness of any of you to carry on without addressing someone who gas lights, mocks, or tears down someone else all just make it worse.
We, as a collective, need to focus on healthy communication and emotional regulating. Especially on social media, where people feel more comfortable to act out because they feel hidden and protected behind a screen.
We dismiss ourselves sometimes daily when it comes to our own ideas, desires, and creativity. Our upbringing taught us things like:
■ work hard, play later
■ never trust a stranger
■ do not share your ideas with anyone
■ do not attach to others easily
■ only you can get the job done right
■ borrowing means never getting it back
■ dating is nothing serious
■ friendships never last
■ low level jobs aren't serious
■ the higher you rank, the better you are
■ the higher the K, the more successful you are
■ nothing comes easy
■ money must be hunted for
■ money makes the world go round
■ college means you are not in the real world
■ blue collar jobs mean you are on a leash
■ work from home means harassing people for money for things they don't need
There are millions more.
Who says things cannot just work out?
Who says we cannot play AND make a living?
Who says we can't play TO make a living?
Who says that one size fits all, cookie cutter lifestyles are the way to be successful and happy?
The people who use "can't" "won't", "would never", and "impossible" in their vocabulary are people that suffer from trauma. And sometimes they are completely unaware of it.
Where it came from, that notion of "no" when facing opportunity or obstacles.... why they chronically feel that way and why taking chances feels WRONG.
We dismiss anything does not have proof already of an outcome that fits what society pegs as "correct".
I hear people say "I don't care what anybody thinks of me" but very little actually mean it. There is always a but. Everyone but one person or one scenario that makes you question your greatest desires and goals.
Often it's as simple as every day dismissal.
Your job, your spouse, your mom, your best friend ----> somebody [and possible a clusterfuck of them] in your life dismisses you.
And you take it because your will to push beyond it is not strong enough.
You have become convinced that your own needs are secondary.
Once I realized that dismissive people were mostly stuck and sad in their own lives, I began to connect the pattern.
What dismissive sounded like, felt like, how it rippled from one family member to the next.
How a seed of doubt could cause a child to regress or become introverted.
How a marriage could disolve over time as one partner nudges to the other that their way of simply "being" was not aligned with what formula for success that person had been taught was. Or the lack of support a partner needed, causing a divide between the partnership. Feelings of no empathy, no help, and no encouragement coming from the dismissive partner made the other one feel misunderstood and alone.
Being dismissive is like a disease.
Its airborne and without precautions taken, just spreads like wildfire throughout families and groups of people.
You may have experienced being in a home day to day around dismissive people and simultaneously struggling with your :
• mental health
• job / income
• ability to focus
• ability to regulate emotions
• anger issues
• irregular sleeping and eating patterns
• shortness of breathe
• ability to meet deadlines
And other major issues in your life.
Then you move out, of either a relationship or home, and get your own space.
Suddenly you are a new person. ---> healthy, positive, upbeat.
This scenario does not just happen because of heavy abuse. You could have just been smothered by a dismissive person or home.
And all that time you thought it was YOU.
Dismissive culture historically branches from many aspects of society, with a big focus on industries and profits, as well as religious commitments.
There was always an outer focus.
God. Work. Society.
Lack of focus and faith on our own abilities because we were taught we need strategy and products in order to succeed.
While help, resources, tactics, and support are all tools available and handy for us to live a healthy life -------> the key to happiness is .......
BEING FREAKING HAPPY.
While some obstacles are financial, medical, psychological, environmental etc. the most important factor here is evaluating how connected we are to ourselves.
How much do you trust yourself? Then others?
We are all "strangers" and yet we are not.
We all have complex, unique traits per individual that allow us to tap into different skills and talents.
Without being dismissed, embracing these traits actively and daily would change our culture in catastrophic measures.
If we removed dismissive language and ideas from our knowing and interactions---> in replace of it using healthy, positive tools for encouraging others and promoting support as second nature -----> we would radically change the tone of our society.
Imagine being able to share your hopes and greatest desires to your
like it was a natural way of interacting. And in response, they offered words of encouragement, pep, and insight !??
"Yeah bob, thinking of starting the eco project on my home this weekend"
being met with
"Wow, Terry, that sounds efficient and cool. I read about a method that sounds useful...[ or I wish you well, that sounds great!] "
Instead of the usual dismissive statements like
"Yeah, Terry, I mean it sounds a bit pricey...and I heard it was gonna rain.. [or ' to each their own', gotta go]"
Imagine if when our kids came to us with big ideas, we said
"Omgosh honey, how can I help? ..[or, 'what inspired that idea]"
Instead of the usual dismissive statements like
"Newspaper cannot make a real table. [Or, 'that doesn't seem like a smart idea]"
☆ Quite honestly, what the F do we know and who the F are we to dismiss inventive, creative, intuitive thought process????
☆ Humans are emotional, complex, limitless individuals born with varying strengths and abilities
☆ Dismantling dismissive behavior allows for reparations and progress as a collective, in the way we interact and perform daily.
☆ Dismissive culture stems from ignorance, fear, insecurity and trauma. It is not a status or rating of intellect.
☆ Dismissive statements are not irrational or fictional. They are predetermined, negative conclusions that do not directly promote room for growth or empowerment.
☆ Dismissive is the opposite of Acceptive. Understand the ways in which you can teach and empower others to stop being dismissive and adopt ways to be supportive + positive contributions in their environment.
If you are unsure what being the opposite of dismissive looks like, here are 76 antonyms for dismissive.
What we need in order to BE happy is something that feels unnatural only because we have been taught everything else.
We, as a society, need to value:
♡ Shared ideas
♡ Emotional fulfillment
Which can be found through:
♡ Emotional regulation in healthy ways
♡ Allowing relationships to blossom
♡ Being charismatic and more outgoing
♡ Taking calculated risks
♡ Taking on opportunities
♡ Cultivating a deep relationship with "self"
♡ Forming spiritual/self care routines
♡ Adopting trust over doubt
♡ Adopting acceptance over dismissal
How can you begin now?
Actively choose to be supportive and encouraging towards others. Practice this in all aspects of interacting with humans of all ages and hold no bias in this approach.
Have a declaration of love and empowerment with your spouse, loved ones and children. Let it be known that you are choosing a new path. A path led by love and acceptance.
Set intentions to be this new way as a lifestyle and SHUT DOWN ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE that has dismissive situations in it. Whether it be people, a job, a home, or another aspect of your life that carries dismissive culture ----> do something about that.
Maybe you need to educate people.
Maybe you need to set boundaries.
Maybe it's just time to remove yourself from that situation or relationship and choose something new.
Dismissive culture can be dismantled in exchange for positivity and personal growth leading to great success and happiness, but it does not just happen from one person.
We heal as a collective and WE set the bar so others can follow a new path.
J.S. Jaded Savior
I do this thing where I speak to myself without using "if, then" phrases.
I do this because I got tired of having a perpetually negative mindset and dismissive attitude towards all my goals and desires.
I realized that every time I hoped to get something done, I first consulted with my "if, then" assistant. This hired help, dwelling in my head, would weigh in my decisions on being worth trying if it were to bring me some sort of benefit one return.
This hired assistant thought a good way to rationalize my behaviors was by reality checking my "impluses".
But ideas are not synonymous with impulses.
Ideas are built up with creativity, innovation, and passion + a solution to a hindrance or issue.
The thing is, acting is a solution.
Physically, emotionally and mentally moving forward with ideas make us utilize solutions.
Even more so, progress is birthed out of action. Sans perfection, we can perform reoccurring actions that will benefit our lives.
We just so happen to have a name for those reoccurring actions.
Whenever I would get an idea, the hired help inside my head would say "well, if you do this then you will receive this ---> so it's a good idea."
Or, like the voice of reason, she would hear out my idea and say "this decision will not give you anything. No immediate and maybe no long term outcome. No reward. This is not smart."
I fired my hired help the day I realized I hired her based on society's notion of what success really is. I realized most ideas I came up with got dismissed.
Though I call her hired help, because her ideas from the environment seemed sound, what she really acted as was the dismissiveness and ridicule I placed within my own psyche every time I wanted to step out of the box.
Heck, sometimes I dismissed even doing small actions if the action would not present some sort of reward that was a step towards perfecting my formula for success.
The core of the issue was this. What was success? What did it look like? What did it feel like to be successful?
I surely knew what being a failure felt like. What being poor felt like. What being a low energy, depressed bad idea generator felt like.
My ideas were not actually bad either. Logic met emotion and collectively awakened to the fact that my ideas were never bad at all.
In fact, I was a highly creative and passionate individual with endless inspiration and ideas every single day.
So how come every idea got shot down?
I fired my hired help, the thing inside my head that said "instant gratification or bust."
The thing that said "you have to know the outcome before you take a first step".
I inevitably would never get close to success or happiness if I never took chances.
And I could not possibly predict outcomes, like if an email to a company I want to partner with for my blog would take me seriously and say yes.
Like if going out on an adventure, intuitively, one day to see where the day takes me could lead to amazing discoveries and opportunities.
The truth was, playing big felt unsafe because I did not have enough faith that I would succeed in anything.
In fact, I dismissed the simple act of taking action without worrying about the value of what would come out of it as an actual WIN.
Now I know, it is an absolute win to be a person who takes chances.
To write that email, send that letter, show up to that place, ask that question, plan that trip, write that book, read that story, invest in that opportunity, take that class....
Ask that person on a date.
Tell that person you love them.
To play big is to live.
To let the assistant in your head tell you the reward is greater than the act is just horse shit.
It comes from being raised in a corporate and diligent society of people who think money is king and "overachieving" is a label for unhealthy people. Instead of encouraging and supporting the notion that we can just achieve as much as we want to and enjoy the leaps. That playing big CAN be healthy. That joy does not need to be moderated.
It comes from those who think "intuition" is woo and synonymous with lacking proof or logic.
I now know that what makes my heart happy in the moment and allows me to play with my creativity is so rewarding, it is bound to have amazing effects on my life.
Not just an amazing result.
A beautiful process.
I now know life is most beautiful and magical when we revel in the process.
When we leap ALL IN with excitement, faith, and spontaneity.
Do the things.
Fire the assistant in your head.
You know what?
Give her a vacation. Not as an assignment or hiatus. Teach her how to live. Seek joy.
And then bring her back into play as your companion in seeking out opportunities through active leaps of faith.
It is illogical and irrational to "if, then".
The truth is, you have no idea how it will play out.
The way to be logical and rational is to stick to your values.
To make healthy, aligned decisions that allow you to flow with your dreams.
J.S. Jaded Savior
We say mean shit about women who fund-raise or beg for help, but we hate to see people struggle.
We say mean shit about women who abort, but we hate that women have to go through rape or unwanted pregnancy.
We say mean shit about women who stay home with their kids by choice, but we say women who work are so selfish for leaving their kids in other hands.
We say mean shit about women who stay with an abusive partner, yet we hate that women are abused but have not educated ourselves in how abuse works.
We say mean shit about women who cry their problems out on facebook, but we say more people should speak up when they are suffering.
We say mean shit about women posting their business a lot, yet we rant that people need to break away from corporate to gain financial freedom and happiness.
We say mean shit about women.
"We" is not a WE when we sever the relationship between US and OTHERS due to our lack of empathy, understanding, gratitude, appreciation, support, consideration, or kindness.
WE need to do better.
- J.S. Jaded Savior
Empowering content that inspires and provokes thoughts around healing, personal growth and personal development.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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