JADED SAVIOR
  • START
  • ABOUT
  • READ
    • Trauma Stories
    • J.S. Memoirs
    • Empowerment
    • Creative Writing
    • Poetry
    • Books
  • WRITE
    • JOURNALING
    • Submit healing story
    • Submit a secret
  • HEAL
    • Holistic
    • Spiritual
    • Self Help
  • SHOP

EMPOWERMENT.

Rewiring the way we speak to ourselves.

4/1/2020

0 Comments

 
I do this thing where I speak to myself without using "if, then" phrases.

I do this because I got tired of having a perpetually negative mindset and dismissive attitude towards all my goals and desires.

I realized that every time I hoped to get something done, I first consulted with my "if, then" assistant. This hired help, dwelling in my head, would weigh in my decisions on being worth trying if it were to bring me some sort of benefit one return.

This hired assistant thought a good way to rationalize my behaviors was by reality checking my "impluses".

But ideas are not synonymous with impulses.

Ideas are built up with creativity, innovation, and passion + a solution to a hindrance or issue.

The thing is, acting is a solution.

Physically, emotionally and mentally moving forward with ideas make us utilize solutions.

Even more so, progress is birthed out of action. Sans perfection, we can perform reoccurring actions that will benefit our lives.
We just so happen to have a name for those reoccurring actions.

Habits.

Whenever I would get an idea, the hired help inside my head would say "well, if you do this then you will receive this ---> so it's a good idea."

Or, like the voice of reason, she would hear out my idea and say "this decision will not give you anything. No immediate and maybe no long term outcome. No reward. This is not smart."

I fired my hired help the day I realized I hired her based on society's notion of what success really is. I realized most ideas I came up with got dismissed.

Though I call her hired help, because her ideas from the environment seemed sound, what she really acted as was the dismissiveness and ridicule I placed within my own psyche every time I wanted to step out of the box.

Heck, sometimes I dismissed even doing small actions if the action would not present some sort of reward that was a step towards perfecting my formula for success.

The core of the issue was this. What was success? What did it look like? What did it feel like to be successful?
​
I surely knew what being a failure felt like. What being poor felt like. What being a low energy, depressed bad idea generator felt like.

My ideas were not actually bad either. Logic met emotion and collectively awakened to the fact that my ideas were never bad at all.

In fact, I was a highly creative and passionate individual with endless inspiration and ideas every single day.

So how come every idea got shot down?

I fired my hired help, the thing inside my head that said "instant gratification or bust."

The thing that said "you have to know the outcome before you take a first step".

I inevitably would never get close to success or happiness if I never took chances.

And I could not possibly predict outcomes, like if an email to a company I want to partner with for my blog would take me seriously and say yes.

Like if going out on an adventure, intuitively, one day to see where the day takes me could lead to amazing discoveries and opportunities.

The truth was, playing big felt unsafe because I did not have enough faith that I would succeed in anything.

In fact, I dismissed the simple act of taking action without worrying about the value of what would come out of it as an actual WIN.

Now I know, it is an absolute win to be a person who takes chances.

To write that email, send that letter, show up to that place, ask that question, plan that trip, write that book, read that story, invest in that opportunity, take that class....

Ask that person on a date.

Tell that person you love them.

To play big is to live.

To let the assistant in your head tell you the reward is greater than the act is just horse shit.

It comes from being raised in a corporate and diligent society of people who think money is king and "overachieving" is a label for unhealthy people. Instead of encouraging and supporting the notion that we can just achieve as much as we want to and enjoy the leaps. That playing big CAN be healthy. That joy does not need to be moderated.

It comes from those who think "intuition" is woo and synonymous with lacking proof or logic.

I now know that what makes my heart happy in the moment and allows me to play with my creativity is so rewarding, it is bound to have amazing effects on my life.

Not just an amazing result.
A beautiful process.

I now know life is most beautiful and magical when we revel in the process.

When we leap ALL IN with excitement, faith, and spontaneity.

Play big.

Do the things.

Fire the assistant in your head.

You know what.

Give her a vacation. Not as an assignment or hiatus. Teach her how to live. Seek joy.

And then bring her back into play as your companion in seeking out opportunities through active leaps of faith.
It is illogical and irrational to "if, then".

The truth is, you have no idea how it will play out.

The way to be logical and rational is to stick to your values.

To make healthy, aligned decisions that allow you to flow with your dreams.

J.S. Jaded Savior


0 Comments

January 2020 proclamations

1/29/2020

0 Comments

 
January 2020: Dismantling toxic beliefs; Building a foundation of authenticity rooted in trust and intuition.

I've had to let go of some major lies that led to self destruction, depression, and a loss of identity.

Going against the grain and standing up for what I believed in was always a natural instinct that I actively suppressed when I felt like my surroundings were not safe.

What that really meant was I was that i was actively perpetuating the toxic environment that kept me caged, without even knowing it because of the distraction of my greatest fears being made true repeatedly.

Now I know that facing rock bottom was a necessary journey that only felt lonely because I was walking away from everything that did not serve me.

New Years felt like an event I bought VIP tickets to, after months of working hard on myself.

Wearing goggles and eagerly grinning as I looked on at the TNT being hooked up to a mountain I had built, boulder by boulder for years, that I discovered was a product of self sabotage and fear.

And as others watched the ball drop on tv with their loves ones, I stood center stage to my own destructive ways being dismantled.

One big boom and it was all gone.

All the shame, sadness, self comparisons and anxiety blasted into a million fragments of what I thought made up my life.

As I stood proud and relieved, ash fell like snowflakes around me. I smiled as the smoke rose up and lifted out of my sight, revealing a huge and empty clearing ahead.

All that mass of hard rock was built on the lies that I was not good enough to succeed. That I was limited. That relationships were what they "were", with no ability to expand or mature. That self hate was a type of characteristic some were just born with and I was a lucky recipient of the gene's that cause both loathing and love, in a battle over which power within me would win over my identity.

As it turns out, love always wins.

This year I vow to love myself entirely.

But love DOES NOT come free.

In order to love ourselves entirely and honor ourselves, we have to lose the stones that burden us with a heaviness that is unnecessary to carry.

That is right. It is unnecessary to carry hatred and fear. To carry self loathing and self sabotage.

It is too heavy to be anything less than what we envision as the full embodiment of love, honesty, and joy.

My new mantra: To keep a clear path, I must unload the burden of feeling not enough and replace it with the pursuit of joy.

I must pursue joy.

Joy is at the center of love.

So how do I become all that is love?

I replace everything that does not validate, encourage, or display joy in my life with what will.

Even though some people will say "you cannot just live in pure bliss" , "life is not all sunshine", "not every experience will be a good one".

People who dismiss joy are just looking at it from a negative lens. People just dismiss what they cannot fathom. Those who dismiss joy believe they are not worthy of receiving it.

I am no longer a willing participant in the dismissal of joy.

I embrace what makes me feel best and allow my true passions to shine by doing so.

Marketing in 2020: Being myself

Work in 2020: Doing what I love

Income strategy in 2020: Speak up about my needs [in all forms]

Networking strategy in 2020: Attract the souls who are on a pursuit of joy and alignment. Break away from those who are not there yet.

Boundaries in 2020:
●Detach from the notion that it is my job to get people from point A to point B, because I'm "an expert".
●Detach from the notion that I have "the one answer" to others problems just because I am a "survivor".
● Detach from the belief that those not [yet] pursuing joy are mine to enlighten.
●Detach from the responsibility of convincing others that my pursuit of joy is a worthy cause

If I want a clear path and an electrifying energy in all that I pursue, I must honor my own needs daily.

As someone with anxiety and depression, who is self aware of the triggers and ticks that deter me, I have an extra motivation to pursue joy.

It is going to take some daily prompting and reminders to keep myself on track, but I am excited to move forward.

I NOW KNOW the very depths of darkness my mind and emotions can take me to -----> so I do not need ANY BODY to justify why pursuing JOY is right for me.

I NOW KNOW the deepest losses and insecurities in their ugliest forms as mere gifts from the universe in paving a clear path.

I NOW KNOW the dynamite needed to blast away the thick mass of negativity and pain was really "belief in myself".

Once I came face to face with my low, love held me through the explosion.

The key principals I want to leave with you are these:

☆ It's okay to dismantle the pieces of you that no longer serve your future self.

☆ It's ok to say goodbye to everything and everyone if it means keeping your own heart intact.

☆ It's ok to set fire to bridges and make a clean break instead of preparing reasons or goodbye speeches to please everyone else.

☆ It's ok to believe in love and joy, while still knowing deeply that you are an intellectual and logical person at the same time. Those traits are not opposing or impossible to embody all at once. INTELLIGENCE IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EMOTION. RATIONALITY IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF JOY.

☆ It's ok to adopt NEW beliefs and GROW rapidly. Do not let anyone tell you that a month, week, day or hour is too short for growth ---> heck, a moment of revelation and alignment is POWERFUL AF.

☆ It is not JUST OK but MANDATORY in your pursuit of joy to work in flow and balance. To honor your needs and desires as the leading motivation for all that you do.

☆Your leading motivation in life is not to make money, get rich or get famous. It is to leave a mark in this world. And what better mark to leave than that paved in truth and love.

The road ahead feels easier to travel because I can actually see where I am going.

No more short cuts or promises of a faster route for me.

Joy is not at the end of a race or an X on any map.

It is found in all rest stops along the way. The little moments and sights to see. The ways in which we embrace the fun, inspiration, excitement, and beauty this world has to offer.

All the lies we believed about borrowed formulas and proven processes are road maps to something. But I've decided what they lead to are at best generic blue prints for what society has decreed to be "success" and "fulfillment".

Success, to me, is now just another word for "highest self".

Only I can make a list of all that person truly is -- after stripping myself of "others' expectations" to reveal the magic that is "me".

♡ J.S. Jaded Savior
​

Picture
0 Comments

Removing "if, then" from your vocabulary allows you to play it big.

1/28/2020

1 Comment

 
I do this thing where I speak to myself without using "if, then" phrases.

I do this because I got tired of having a perpetually negative mindset and dismissive attitude towards all my goals and desires.

I realized that every time I hoped to get something done, I first consulted with my "if, then" assistant. This hired help, dwelling in my head, would weigh in my decisions on being worth trying if it were to bring me some sort of benefit one return.

This hired assistant thought a good way to rationalize my behaviors was by reality checking my "impluses".
But ideas are not synonymous with impulses.

Ideas are built up with creativity, innovation, and passion + a solution to a hindrance or issue.

The thing is, acting is a solution.

Physically, emotionally and mentally moving forward with ideas make us utilize solutions.

Even more so, progress is birthed out of action. Sans perfection, we can perform reoccurring actions that will benefit our lives.

We just so happen to have a name for those reoccurring actions.

Habits.
Picture
Whenever I would get an idea, the hired help inside my head would say "well, if you do this then you will receive this ---> so it's a good idea."

Or, like the voice of reason, she would hear out my idea and say "this decision will not give you anything. No immediate and maybe no long term outcome. No reward. This is not smart."

I fired my hired help the day I realized I hired her based on society's notion of what success really is. I realized most ideas I came up with got dismissed.

Though I call her hired help, because her ideas from the environment seemed sound, what she really acted as was the dismissiveness and ridicule I placed within my own psyche every time I wanted to step out of the box.

Heck, sometimes I dismissed even doing small actions if the action would not present some sort of reward that was a step towards perfecting my formula for success.

The core of the issue was this. What was success? What did it look like? What did it feel like to be successful?
I surely knew what being a failure felt like. What being poor felt like. What being a low energy, depressed bad idea generator felt like.

My ideas were not actually bad either. Logic met emotion and collectively awakened to the fact that my ideas were never bad at all.
​

Picture
In fact, I was a highly creative and passionate individual with endless inspiration and ideas every single day.
So how come every idea got shot down?

I fired my hired help, the thing inside my head that said "instant gratification or bust."

The thing that said "you have to know the outcome before you take a first step".

I inevitably would never get close to success or happiness if I never took chances.

And I could not possibly predict outcomes, like if an email to a company I want to partner with for my blog would take me seriously and say yes.

Like if going out on an adventure, intuitively, one day to see where the day takes me could lead to amazing discoveries and opportunities.

The truth was, playing big felt unsafe because I did not have enough faith that I would succeed in anything.

In fact, I dismissed the simple act of taking action without worrying about the value of what would come out of it as an actual WIN.

Now I know, it is an absolute win to be a person who takes chances.

To write that email, send that letter, show up to that place, ask that question, plan that trip, write that book, read that story, invest in that opportunity, take that class....

Ask that person on a date.

Tell that person you love them.

To play big is to live.

To let the assistant in your head tell you the reward is greater than the act is just horse shit.
It comes from being raised in a corporate and diligent society of people who think money is king and "overachieving" is a label for unhealthy people. Instead of encouraging and supporting the notion that we can just achieve as much as we want to and enjoy the leaps. That playing big CAN be healthy. That joy does not need to be moderated.

It comes from those who think "intuition" is woo and synonymous with lacking proof or logic.

I now know that what makes my heart happy in the moment and allows me to play with my creativity is so rewarding, it is bound to have amazing effects on my life.

Not just an amazing result.

A beautiful process.

I now know life is most beautiful and magical when we revel in the process.

When we leap ALL IN with excitement, faith, and spontaneity.

PLAY BIG.


Do the things.

Fire the assistant in your head.

You know what?

Give her a vacation. Not as an assignment or hiatus. Teach her how to live. Seek joy.

And then bring her back into play as your companion in seeking out opportunities through active leaps of faith.

It is illogical and irrational to "if, then".

The truth is, you have no idea how it will play out.

The way to be logical and rational is to stick to your values.

To make healthy, aligned decisions that allow you to flow with your dreams.
​

J.S. Jaded Savior
1 Comment

#wewomen #empowerment #personalgrowth #expansion #energy #feminism

1/6/2020

0 Comments

 
We say mean shit about women who fund-raise or beg for help, but we hate to see people struggle.

We say mean shit about women who abort, but we hate that women have to go through rape or unwanted pregnancy.

We say mean shit about women who stay home with their kids by choice, but we say women who work are so selfish for leaving their kids in other hands.

We say mean shit about women who stay with an abusive partner, yet we hate that women are abused but have not educated ourselves in how abuse works.

We say mean shit about women who cry their problems out on facebook, but we say more people should speak up when they are suffering.

We say mean shit about women posting their business a lot, yet we rant that people need to break away from corporate to gain financial freedom and happiness.

We say mean shit about women.

"We" is not a WE when we sever the relationship between US and OTHERS due to our lack of empathy, understanding, gratitude, appreciation, support, consideration, or kindness.

WE need to do better.
- J.S. Jaded Savior

0 Comments

Ferris wheel and Trauma

12/31/2019

0 Comments

 
STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE ON A FERRIS WHEEL.

You have been spinning around doing "ooohs and ahhhs" at the skyline and the pretty lights beyond for what seems like a lifetime already.

But in order to appreciate the sparkle of life up close, you need to get off the damn ride and move forward.

Move. Forward. And outward.

Expansion will never come if you are just a spectator.

I was on the ride for 28 years and then I realized I had signed up for chronic motion sickness + suffering without a hint as to how I ended up that way.

Most of us suffer because we do not see how we perpetuate it.

Do not wait until Jan 1 to get off the ride.

In fact, if you are reading this, here is your Que.

THE RIDE IS OVER.
THE LOOP OF SUFFERING YOU HAVE BEEN ON....

Watching everyone else "succeed" and then thinking that you are just not enough.

That is wrong.

You were wrong.

But it's ok.

You know what you need to do.

NOW.
Today.

It is not stupid.
It is not ridiculous.

Sign off to the notion that your IDEAS are impossible.

That no one else will care.

That you lack the abilities to make it happen.

You have always had what it takes, the tools you need to achieve anything you want.

You just never believed it.

Those twinkling lights and skyline are close enough to touch.

But do me a favor.

Make sure you rise up HIGH.

MAKE SURE YOU CHASE THOSE DREAMS AND THEN YOU SHINE LIKE A MO FO BEACON.

THE GOAL IS NOT JUST TO GET OFF THE WHEEL.

It is to shine so brightly you create the encouragement others need to get off the damn wheel too.


J.S. Jaded Savior

​

Picture
0 Comments

Let's leave trauma behind.

12/26/2019

0 Comments

 
There are a million reasons to leave a toxic situation behind.

But the number one reason for me is I no longer allow myself to participate in anything that does not bring me joy.

I used to half believe it, through narrowed eyes, that life was not meant to always be enjoyed.

"It is what it is", "that is life", "what did you expect?" were some of the phrases used to normalize abuse and neglect, gas lighting and infidelity.

Idk, Frank. I expected people to not be pieces of shit.

And I was some what right in my demand that the world be kind by default.

It should be.

And those who are unkind, have only been painted by trauma.

Red hands and face, thinking the marker was permanent and not wanting to find a remedy, because #whybother.

It became easier for people to just fit a racist, sexist or down right cruel agenda because it is what their families' perpetuated for generations.

Toxic mainstreaming.

Tradition.

It became normal to look the other way when someone is in distress.

It became typical to blame the victim when they had received some kind of abuse from a partner or even a stranger.

Desensitization of trauma, that is what made the world cold.

And gave perpetrators the okay to amp up abuse without fear of repercussions.

In this world, we have gotten used to and even expected no repercussions.

So even though we, adults, lecture incessantly the need to be kind and courteous --- that lesson is void not far down the line when someone awful gets done or witnessed.

When will a real conversation be held around trauma?

This black hole that no one knows how to stop but blindly perpetuate it everywhere.

Between families, businesses, neighborly interactions ---> the conversation never gets held.

We spend so much time on the tv dramas and who wore what dress to the Grammys.

We program our kids to "not get involved in the affair of others" but simultaneously tell them kindness is king.
It is not kind to turn a cheek when a friend gets coerced into drinking and led into a bedroom without either party having to consider the not "fine line" between rape and consent.

It is not kind to hear about a kid at home with an alcoholic father and fearful mother, just to say "well they are adults and there is nothing we can really do about it".

It is not kind to say a girl must know what she got herself into when she is beat up and bullied by her partner constantly.

When the conversation gets had, it is always the wrong one.

We spend all the time saying "what now?"

This society struggles with toxic behaviors because on a global level, we NEVER uphold boundaries.
Heck, we mostly don't even talk about them.

Not loud enough.
Not as a standard.

"To each their own" should never be associated with abuse.

When one hurts, we should all hurt.

Because this is a global issue.

The blind eye to corruption.

The continual perpetuation of immoral misconduct and emotional abuse between partnerships.

Parent and child.
Romantic partners.
Friends.
Business associates.
Customer and company.

Toxic behaviors and enabling abuse can be found everywhere.

It would not be "profitable" to work on a cure.

For suffering.
For mental illness.
For disease.
For social issues.

For discriminating and bullying between races and cultures and religions.

It would not pay a pocket to serve with love.

Ever notice how when someone says "I do this for joy" people roll their eyes and say "so your struggling, huh?"
An artist or creative MUST be starving and struggling.

Because we do not pay well to the inventors, the creators, the teachers.

We only pay the progressives and the healers in ridicule.

While the cold and greedy laugh. Spinning the wheel.

I demand in my lifetime that truths be shared and people link together.

Arm in arm, ready to not be ok with the world being seen as a dark place.

We should think it is really fucked up to dismiss the world for being cruel.

For dismissing the leaders of our nations to be bigots or psychopaths, dictators, or bullies.

We should think it is a really ridiculous and irrational thing to teach OUR CHILDREN that perps deserve more protection UNDER THE LAW THAN VICTIMS DO.

I never ever want to turn to my kid and say, "well, were you wearing a skirt?"

"But did you even try to stop it?"

"Is there any substantial proof other than your alleged honesty?"

Instead, we will be holding conversations like "this is what a healthy relationship looks like." , "this is abuse looks like" , "this is the result of doing things without passion and joy", "this is why we set boundaries", "this is where we draw the line."

I am proud to draw the line OUT LOUD.

I know which side of it I stand on.

Do you?

Let's change the face of life to a happy one and do things that lead us with love.

Let love be the default.

Let understand and compassion be the compass.

Let life be all about embracing healthy and happy.

Let's make it really fucking clear for the people in the back that healthy means upholding safety, respect, honor, loyalty, courage and JOY.

Let's make our reason to LEAVE abuse be that it should never even happen at all.
​

J.S. Jaded Savior


0 Comments

Boundaries and Self worth

12/16/2019

0 Comments

 
I am no longer a participant in other peoples' criticism of the things my soul felt called to.

It is "well within my soul".

Not, "it was accepted by an outsider so I can breathe now".

That is a boundary.

I now honor my own decisions, perspective, and desires.

I honor myself without needing to participate in someone else's worries or triggers.

I am going to shake people, scare people, rub people the wrong way.

I am not going to be understood by everybody.

Not because I am complicated.

What someone else feels, it is their own private party.

I decline the invite because it is not my decision nor my responsibility to feel anything other than joy when I follow my own heart. ♡

You are not the sum of someone else's....

Anything.

J.S. Jaded Savior

​

0 Comments

HUGS and EMPOWERMENT

12/13/2019

0 Comments

 
I do this thing that makes people deeply rattled and uncomfortable sometimes.

I used to feel insecure about it. Like I was doing something wrong. But then I realized my perspective was just lacking a certain truth and growth I now have.

Hugs.

People don't know how to react to being held. Or hugged. Or touched.

And I thought it was about intrusiveness.

Etiquette.
Respect.
It is not.

When I give hugs [after using judgement already on who and how to do it] I mean them.

I am sending love and light by touch.

I am showing gratitude.

I am breaking barriers.

When I tell you I am a hugger, what I really mean is I am stepping into your box to show you I love you.

I love you.

I am not afraid to say I love you.

I used to be.

What will they think? Is it the right time? Will it be received? Or reciprocated?

Now I know this truth.

My hugs and love are MINE to give.

To give.

Not to barter with or beg with or exchange with.

My love no longer feels the need to be met with.

Or even understood.

It is not a puzzle.

My love is not a puzzle.

So if I give you a hug, even though your trauma says ---> "what the fuck is this person doing to me?" I am sending you love that is non- transactional.

No hidden terms or fees.

No interest.

In a world with hidden motives, love should be anything but that.

J. S. JADED SAVIOR

​

0 Comments

    J.S. Empowerment

    Empowering content that inspires and provokes thoughts around healing, personal growth and personal development. 

    To submit your own empowering thoughts or stories, email jadedsaviorblog@gmail.com 

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019

    Categories

    All
    ABUSE
    ALIGNED
    ANGER
    ART
    AWARENESS
    BOUNDARIES
    DEPRESSION
    DISMISSIVE
    EMOTIONAL ABUSE
    EMPOWERMENT
    ENERGY
    EXPANSION
    FEMINISM
    FERRIS WHEEL
    GRIEF
    HEALING
    HEALTHY
    HUGS
    IDENTITY
    IF THEN
    IMPULSIVE
    INSPIRATIONAL
    LEAVE
    LOVE
    MINDSET
    NEW START
    PERSONAL GROWTH
    RAPE
    RIDE
    SELF HELP
    SELF TALK
    SELF WORTH
    SPEAK UP
    SURVIVOR
    TOUCH
    TOXIC
    TRAUMA
    TRIGGERS
    TRUTHS
    VOICE

    RSS Feed

HOME

ABOUT ME

READ

WRITE

HEAL

SHOP


TRIGGER WARNING:
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories,  and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization.  Questions? Contact Jean at:  jadedsaviorblog@gmail.com

Picture
      ​EMPOWERING MINDS SINCE  2019

  • START
  • ABOUT
  • READ
    • Trauma Stories
    • J.S. Memoirs
    • Empowerment
    • Creative Writing
    • Poetry
    • Books
  • WRITE
    • JOURNALING
    • Submit healing story
    • Submit a secret
  • HEAL
    • Holistic
    • Spiritual
    • Self Help
  • SHOP