I do this thing where I speak to myself without using "if, then" phrases.
I do this because I got tired of having a perpetually negative mindset and dismissive attitude towards all my goals and desires.
I realized that every time I hoped to get something done, I first consulted with my "if, then" assistant. This hired help, dwelling in my head, would weigh in my decisions on being worth trying if it were to bring me some sort of benefit one return.
This hired assistant thought a good way to rationalize my behaviors was by reality checking my "impluses".
But ideas are not synonymous with impulses.
Ideas are built up with creativity, innovation, and passion + a solution to a hindrance or issue.
The thing is, acting is a solution.
Physically, emotionally and mentally moving forward with ideas make us utilize solutions.
Even more so, progress is birthed out of action. Sans perfection, we can perform reoccurring actions that will benefit our lives.
We just so happen to have a name for those reoccurring actions.
Whenever I would get an idea, the hired help inside my head would say "well, if you do this then you will receive this ---> so it's a good idea."
Or, like the voice of reason, she would hear out my idea and say "this decision will not give you anything. No immediate and maybe no long term outcome. No reward. This is not smart."
I fired my hired help the day I realized I hired her based on society's notion of what success really is. I realized most ideas I came up with got dismissed.
Though I call her hired help, because her ideas from the environment seemed sound, what she really acted as was the dismissiveness and ridicule I placed within my own psyche every time I wanted to step out of the box.
Heck, sometimes I dismissed even doing small actions if the action would not present some sort of reward that was a step towards perfecting my formula for success.
The core of the issue was this. What was success? What did it look like? What did it feel like to be successful?
I surely knew what being a failure felt like. What being poor felt like. What being a low energy, depressed bad idea generator felt like.
My ideas were not actually bad either. Logic met emotion and collectively awakened to the fact that my ideas were never bad at all.
In fact, I was a highly creative and passionate individual with endless inspiration and ideas every single day.
So how come every idea got shot down?
I fired my hired help, the thing inside my head that said "instant gratification or bust."
The thing that said "you have to know the outcome before you take a first step".
I inevitably would never get close to success or happiness if I never took chances.
And I could not possibly predict outcomes, like if an email to a company I want to partner with for my blog would take me seriously and say yes.
Like if going out on an adventure, intuitively, one day to see where the day takes me could lead to amazing discoveries and opportunities.
The truth was, playing big felt unsafe because I did not have enough faith that I would succeed in anything.
In fact, I dismissed the simple act of taking action without worrying about the value of what would come out of it as an actual WIN.
Now I know, it is an absolute win to be a person who takes chances.
To write that email, send that letter, show up to that place, ask that question, plan that trip, write that book, read that story, invest in that opportunity, take that class....
Ask that person on a date.
Tell that person you love them.
To play big is to live.
To let the assistant in your head tell you the reward is greater than the act is just horse shit.
It comes from being raised in a corporate and diligent society of people who think money is king and "overachieving" is a label for unhealthy people. Instead of encouraging and supporting the notion that we can just achieve as much as we want to and enjoy the leaps. That playing big CAN be healthy. That joy does not need to be moderated.
It comes from those who think "intuition" is woo and synonymous with lacking proof or logic.
I now know that what makes my heart happy in the moment and allows me to play with my creativity is so rewarding, it is bound to have amazing effects on my life.
Not just an amazing result.
A beautiful process.
I now know life is most beautiful and magical when we revel in the process.
When we leap ALL IN with excitement, faith, and spontaneity.
Do the things.
Fire the assistant in your head.
You know what?
Give her a vacation. Not as an assignment or hiatus. Teach her how to live. Seek joy.
And then bring her back into play as your companion in seeking out opportunities through active leaps of faith.
It is illogical and irrational to "if, then".
The truth is, you have no idea how it will play out.
The way to be logical and rational is to stick to your values.
To make healthy, aligned decisions that allow you to flow with your dreams.
J.S. Jaded Savior
There are a million reasons to leave a toxic situation behind.
But the number one reason for me is I no longer allow myself to participate in anything that does not bring me joy.
I used to half believe it, through narrowed eyes, that life was not meant to always be enjoyed.
"It is what it is", "that is life", "what did you expect?" were some of the phrases used to normalize abuse and neglect, gas lighting and infidelity.
Idk, Frank. I expected people to not be pieces of shit.
And I was some what right in my demand that the world be kind by default.
It should be.
And those who are unkind, have only been painted by trauma.
Red hands and face, thinking the marker was permanent and not wanting to find a remedy, because #whybother.
It became easier for people to just fit a racist, sexist or down right cruel agenda because it is what their families' perpetuated for generations.
It became normal to look the other way when someone is in distress.
It became typical to blame the victim when they had received some kind of abuse from a partner or even a stranger.
Desensitization of trauma, that is what made the world cold.
And gave perpetrators the okay to amp up abuse without fear of repercussions.
In this world, we have gotten used to and even expected no repercussions.
So even though we, adults, lecture incessantly the need to be kind and courteous --- that lesson is void not far down the line when someone awful gets done or witnessed.
When will a real conversation be held around trauma?
This black hole that no one knows how to stop but blindly perpetuate it everywhere.
Between families, businesses, neighborly interactions ---> the conversation never gets held.
We spend so much time on the tv dramas and who wore what dress to the Grammys.
We program our kids to "not get involved in the affair of others" but simultaneously tell them kindness is king.
It is not kind to turn a cheek when a friend gets coerced into drinking and led into a bedroom without either party having to consider the not "fine line" between rape and consent.
It is not kind to hear about a kid at home with an alcoholic father and fearful mother, just to say "well they are adults and there is nothing we can really do about it".
It is not kind to say a girl must know what she got herself into when she is beat up and bullied by her partner constantly.
When the conversation gets had, it is always the wrong one.
We spend all the time saying "what now?"
This society struggles with toxic behaviors because on a global level, we NEVER uphold boundaries.
Heck, we mostly don't even talk about them.
Not loud enough.
Not as a standard.
"To each their own" should never be associated with abuse.
When one hurts, we should all hurt.
Because this is a global issue.
The blind eye to corruption.
The continual perpetuation of immoral misconduct and emotional abuse between partnerships.
Parent and child.
Customer and company.
Toxic behaviors and enabling abuse can be found everywhere.
It would not be "profitable" to work on a cure.
For mental illness.
For social issues.
For discriminating and bullying between races and cultures and religions.
It would not pay a pocket to serve with love.
Ever notice how when someone says "I do this for joy" people roll their eyes and say "so your struggling, huh?"
An artist or creative MUST be starving and struggling.
Because we do not pay well to the inventors, the creators, the teachers.
We only pay the progressives and the healers in ridicule.
While the cold and greedy laugh. Spinning the wheel.
I demand in my lifetime that truths be shared and people link together.
Arm in arm, ready to not be ok with the world being seen as a dark place.
We should think it is really fucked up to dismiss the world for being cruel.
For dismissing the leaders of our nations to be bigots or psychopaths, dictators, or bullies.
We should think it is a really ridiculous and irrational thing to teach OUR CHILDREN that perps deserve more protection UNDER THE LAW THAN VICTIMS DO.
I never ever want to turn to my kid and say, "well, were you wearing a skirt?"
"But did you even try to stop it?"
"Is there any substantial proof other than your alleged honesty?"
Instead, we will be holding conversations like "this is what a healthy relationship looks like." , "this is abuse looks like" , "this is the result of doing things without passion and joy", "this is why we set boundaries", "this is where we draw the line."
I am proud to draw the line OUT LOUD.
I know which side of it I stand on.
Let's change the face of life to a happy one and do things that lead us with love.
Let love be the default.
Let understand and compassion be the compass.
Let life be all about embracing healthy and happy.
Let's make it really fucking clear for the people in the back that healthy means upholding safety, respect, honor, loyalty, courage and JOY.
Let's make our reason to LEAVE abuse be that it should never even happen at all.
J.S. Jaded Savior
I am no longer a participant in other peoples' criticism of the things my soul felt called to.
It is "well within my soul".
Not, "it was accepted by an outsider so I can breathe now".
That is a boundary.
I now honor my own decisions, perspective, and desires.
I honor myself without needing to participate in someone else's worries or triggers.
I am going to shake people, scare people, rub people the wrong way.
I am not going to be understood by everybody.
Not because I am complicated.
What someone else feels, it is their own private party.
I decline the invite because it is not my decision nor my responsibility to feel anything other than joy when I follow my own heart. ♡
You are not the sum of someone else's....
J.S. Jaded Savior
Empowering content that inspires and provokes thoughts around healing, personal growth and personal development.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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