There is a major difference between ghosting someone and setting a boundary. If it gets to a point where your fight or flight kicks in and you rapidly remove someone from your life without notifying them, understand that you do not need validation and your own safety or integrity was absolutely being violated in such a way that having a confrontation was not an option.
When you make the choice to remove somebody from your space, whether in person or online, know that you can honor that decision. It is important to pull apart what the triggers were, what you felt and why, what the other person's role was in the situation as well as how capable that person may have been to handle a discussion before you decided to act.
But that fight or flight you get stuck in often signals big red flags.
When I feel this and I choose to remove someone from my life, it usually means that multiple times that person set off flags that i tried to overlook or use hyper-vigilance to explain.
If I've finally removed them, it means the opportunity for confronting or discussing the issue felt MORE LIKE MORE OF A RISK than removing them.
And when said person [anyone in this hypothetical scenario] reacts by aggressively questioning why they were removed, look out for signs of *gas lighting *manipulation *victim blaming *avoidance *lack of responsibility to the situation. All of those things are characteristics of abuse.
Of course, it is still tricky.
A toxic and unhealthy person will not be able to show remorse or a role in the situation. A healthy person will offer an apology or solution.
However, a sociopathic or multi personality disorder will show up as passive aggressive comments, challenges, promises for better behavior, even a reward or treat for forgiving them. They may say things like "il over look this" or "I won't hold this against you".
If you felt victim to something and created boundaries that were then disrespected, that person knows what they are doing and are targeting you with tactful behaviors that are meant to confuse and subdue you.
So always honor your boundaries.
Honor your own desires and feelings all the while being emotionally intelligent and regulating your emotions.
There is a balance to leading a healthy life and relationships, but never compromise your own integrity or worth for someone else.
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Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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