J.S. Memoirs
A Collective of memoirs by J.S. about Trauma + Mental Health + Abuse + Healing.
#christmas #joy #magic #mindset #creative #trauma #healing
The gift I chose to give myself this season: healing. I am choosing to heal this year. To continue on a journey I started months ago, a perilous task of diving through shadows and fighting through broken memories in order to reclaim my strength. I have battled depression and anxiety for years and it has been the demon on my shoulder that tried to talk me out of everything I loved or gleamed possible. I've wanted to be an artist, a writer, a teacher, a social advocate, a social worker, an agent of the social system to rescue and rehabilitate broken people. I've wanted to be a helper and a hero and a healer. Someone who makes others feel seen, heard, and honored. Now I just want to be me. To show up as myself, with my truths and my knowledge. To help others as well as help myself. This year is different because I no longer fancy going in loops of self loathing or despair. I have reemerged with a deep belief in my ability to grow this time. But I know it will not happen without help. So this year, I am going to climb out of poverty and pain by seeking resources. I am going to try different holistic and spiritual methods of healing for my body, mind and soul. I am going to do whatever it takes--- bartering, raising funds, earning money through my skills ----> to invest in my own healing. Because the alternative is greatly paying for it later. What made me decide I was ready to tackle my struggling mental health and traumatic past? I cannot take it anymore. I cannot go another day feeling helpless and like I'm drowning as the triggers all around me keep me there. I cannot go another day feeling depleted around my kids and spouse. Feeling alone and silent in my pain. I will not allow myself to bide anymore time. "Eventually" and "later" are not synonymous with healing. Neither are my other 5 billion excuses for why I never started before. "Divine timing" could be a culprit but I remember my coherent resistance and built up fears. I did not want to PAUSE AND FACE THE TRAUMA. I did not want to have to think and process experiences like rape, abortion, distortion, and emancipation or what I like to call expulsion. Abandonment. Rejection. Emotional and physical assaults. Who wants to do that? Now I know. A healthy person does. This year I elect myself to dive deeper than I ever have and uncover truths I had painted entirely different in order to protect my brain. And I want to share those experiences with all of you. As I discover things about trauma and abuse, I want to shed a light on what it was like. What it still feels like. This year I am choosing to pour into me. Because I need it. If I am ever going to press PLAY and LIVE, I have to do the things that scare me most. Because I know fear was just another word for bullshit. And healed is what is shining so brightly at the end of that tunnel. ♡ J.S. Jaded Savior
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J.S. Memoirs
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