A Collective of memoirs by J.S. about Trauma + Mental Health + Abuse + Healing.
#christmas #joy #magic #mindset #creative #trauma #healing
The gift I chose to give myself this season: healing.
I am choosing to heal this year.
To continue on a journey I started months ago, a perilous task of diving through shadows and fighting through broken memories in order to reclaim my strength.
I have battled depression and anxiety for years and it has been the demon on my shoulder that tried to talk me out of everything I loved or gleamed possible.
I've wanted to be an artist, a writer, a teacher, a social advocate, a social worker, an agent of the social system to rescue and rehabilitate broken people.
I've wanted to be a helper and a hero and a healer.
Someone who makes others feel seen, heard, and honored.
Now I just want to be me.
To show up as myself, with my truths and my knowledge.
To help others as well as help myself.
This year is different because I no longer fancy going in loops of self loathing or despair.
I have reemerged with a deep belief in my ability to grow this time.
But I know it will not happen without help.
So this year, I am going to climb out of poverty and pain by seeking resources.
I am going to try different holistic and spiritual methods of healing for my body, mind and soul.
I am going to do whatever it takes--- bartering, raising funds, earning money through my skills ----> to invest in my own healing.
Because the alternative is greatly paying for it later.
What made me decide I was ready to tackle my struggling mental health and traumatic past?
I cannot take it anymore.
I cannot go another day feeling helpless and like I'm drowning as the triggers all around me keep me there.
I cannot go another day feeling depleted around my kids and spouse. Feeling alone and silent in my pain.
I will not allow myself to bide anymore time.
"Eventually" and "later" are not synonymous with healing.
Neither are my other 5 billion excuses for why I never started before.
"Divine timing" could be a culprit but I remember my coherent resistance and built up fears.
I did not want to PAUSE AND FACE THE TRAUMA.
I did not want to have to think and process experiences like rape, abortion, distortion, and emancipation or what I like to call expulsion.
Abandonment. Rejection. Emotional and physical assaults.
Who wants to do that?
Now I know.
A healthy person does.
This year I elect myself to dive deeper than I ever have and uncover truths I had painted entirely different in order to protect my brain.
And I want to share those experiences with all of you.
As I discover things about trauma and abuse, I want to shed a light on what it was like.
What it still feels like.
This year I am choosing to pour into me.
Because I need it.
If I am ever going to press PLAY and LIVE, I have to do the things that scare me most.
Because I know fear was just another word for bullshit.
And healed is what is shining so brightly at the end of that tunnel.
J.S. Jaded Savior
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: email@example.com
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