Trauma + Healing Stories
Empowerment + Validation + Support for Trauma Survivors, one story at a time.
I've never really had "lunch table" anxiety over who to sit with or worried who would like me. In fact, as soon as I began to realize in 9th grade what drama would occur in those situations, I would skip my lunch period to draw / write in an empty classroom or go to visit my favorite English teacher to talk about books, life, and girl things.
I've never bought into classes being more or less than. Instead I watched humans act out in full panic, embarrassment, shame, fear, insecurities, anger, revenge, deceit and other unregulated ---> god awful feelings.
I watched bullies cry hard in the bathroom and realized hurt people hurt people.
I watched popular girls pick apart their closest friends and judge wardrobes while panicking about their own.
I watched closeted gay students act out in defiance or bullying or resort to bashing the gay community out of shame they could not join it.
I watched kids with abusive parents pass as normal at school, even though I was one of them and whole heartedly knew how "not fine" we were.
I watched people call one another sluts for the way they dress, but had sexually abusive partners or were being peer pressured to have sex by their partner.
I watched boys eager to date, so eager they would stomp on friendships just to conquer the girl like a notch on a belt and then toss her to the side for the next conquest.
I watched friendships dissolve over rumors that were started within their own inner circle.
Growing up in trauma made me see the world differently. I spotted out so much abuse and bullying that I could not bare to be around it and I felt extra terrible every time I became involved in it.
When someone bullied me, I thought of how hard they must have had it.
When someone peer pressured or teased me I thought about how badly they wanted to fit in or how bad they wanted to escape the same labels they teased me with.
Hyper-vigilance and empathy were like paint brushes and jars of colors, allowing me to paint the world around me in order to understand it better.
I spent my time absorbing the scenes and then recreating the marks each moment left on others' into the words I now write so easily.
My flow and passion come from a life long observation of human development and painfully creative truths.
J.S. Jaded Savior
Can we just finally come out and say it?
Resting B**th face SUCKS as a term.
I am mostly serious in my expressions.
I am not bright and bubbly every day, even though I am empathic and super passionate about many things.
My facial expression often embodies that of a calm horizon, my skin feeling the warmth captured within my eyes.
I have a STRAIGHT mouth, parallel to my eyebrows ----> serious as $Hit face.
And I will not apologize for it.
Though it does feel AAAAHHMMAAAZING to embrace my smile when I love something or feel a burning passion in the experience I have when I FEEL joy -----> that is not me MOST OF THE TIME.
I have been told not to "show I feel bad" because it may turn people off.
I have been told not to "show such seriousness" because it may make people get the wrong idea of my character.
I have been asked "WHAT'S WRONG?!" hundreds of thousands of times since I was a young girl for having a:
■ B!tch face
■ Sour expression
■ Depressing look
And all that it did for me was reaffirm the fact that we as INDIVIDUALS do not need to ALWAYS smile.
In fact, I promise you that your emotional state or self esteem are NOT reflecting through the amount of teeth you show.
There have been plenty of times I have smiled for pictures or in front of others just to PASS AS OK.
There have been plenty of "B faced" moments when I was really just in deep thought, had to pee, had a sudden calmness or just----> wait for it.....
DID NOT EFFEN FEEL LIKE SMILING.
And all of that is OK.
Because your face is not showing up to the party for anyone.
And whatever you are feeling, it is important you honor those feelings----> even at the expense of looking a way that someone will not understand or want to question.
And ALSO, if you just do not feel like it---> it is YOUR RIGHT not to smile.
I am so sick of women in society being labeled as B!tches for not smiling.
I tell my daughter all the time that all her feelings are valid and she can express them however she chooses.
As will I.
Though I should be self aware of my emotions, I will not police my face for wanting to:
□ meet the horizon
□ mimmick the sunset
□ meet nobodies expectations.
And I applaud all of you SERIOUS women who honor your own movements and emotions the way YOU want to ---> without having to carry the bullshit guilt others try so desperately to place on everyone else but themselves.
I am a complex woman with many emotions and full awareness.
This straight face is me choosing the autonomy to just BE.
At the expense of leaving my true mood up to mystery for others...
Or encouraging people to just "ask" if they want to know so badly what is in my head or my heart.
J.S. Jaded Savior
J.S. Trauma + Healing Stories
A collective of stories about Trauma + Healing, to promote awareness, validation and support for Trauma Survivors.
Content mention of Rape, Abuse, Neglect, Addictions, Mental Illness, Kidnap, Molestation, Child abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Abortion, birth, body image, gender/identity dysphoria, sexuality, personal trauma, domestic violence and other extremely personal stories. Please practice caution. I am not a licensed physician or mental health professional. No medical prescribing is provided on this site, Only personal insights, experience stories, and advice; All stories published have had prior authorization. Questions? Contact Jean at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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