Trauma + Healing Stories
Empowerment + Validation + Support for Trauma Survivors, one story at a time.
I do this thing now that helps me out tremendously when I get "flicked by bullshit".
I say "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." Sometimes it is a whisper. Sometimes, it is a SHOUT. Someone from my past tries to slip into my DMs, "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." Someone writes something really negative or mean on a post or share of mine, "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." Someone wants to come out and play picking fight with me about literally anything, "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." [I hate confrontation and think it is a volatile way of expressing a feeling] I get anxiety over something not done in the house and start to panic: "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." I am talking with my husband, in clear disagreement, and start to feel angry or not heard/seen, so I gear up to fire back: "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." MY KIDS MAKE A HUGE MESS EVEN THOUGH I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY CLEANING AND SORTING. I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT OVER THE MESS. "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS." The point is, I have to do this constantly. Instead of: ☆ losing my shit ☆ getting pains in my chest ☆ hysterically crying ☆ yelling ☆ hitting a low mood ☆ getting panic attacks ☆ saying things I will regret I have had toxic ways of reacting. I was raised by emotionally abusive and manipulative people. And loved + lived with similar traits before. I have even had some explosive traits. Because we are a sum of what we surround ourselves with. I now refuse to participate. I never knew I could do that before. Not sign up for the party. Not take part in a fight or triggering event that would normally break me, but instead go take space to calm down and explore my emotions to find out why I feel what I do. Not say things out of regret or defensiveness, but instead taking space to think and process. This process aids in regulating my emotions. I actively pull myself out of a moment that I do not like. This also means big changes had to come in my relationships and what I surround myself with. I had to honor everything in my space and life as healthy for me. Whatever was not, had to go. I have had to declutter every corner of my life. And it feels so.... GOOD. From now on, even if I need to scream it and run away like a weirdo, I am keeping with my mantra. "NO. I AM NOT DOING THIS!!!!!" I AM NOT ☆ PARTICIPATING IN ANYTHING THAT IS FLUNG, CATAPULTED, OR SNUCK INTO MY SPACE TO HURT ME. Nope. I won't. Not doing it. The only principal I live by now is, "does it bring me joy?" And if the box checks off, i say "thank you for this." I tell the universe, hands intertwined and chills throughout my body, that I am so thankful for the good. "Yes. This. Thank you." Because I am my own boss now, thanks. J.S. Jaded Savior
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J.S. Trauma + Healing StoriesA collective of stories about Trauma + Healing, to promote awareness, validation and support for Trauma Survivors. Categories
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May 2020
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